Cold
by Mr. Sadist
Summary: He had to keep up the mask else he'd break. But he was already broken. Just a short little peice. Zack/Reno


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor the song Cold (but I'm Still Here) by Evans Blue.

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* * *

__Cold  
__But I'm still here  
__Blind  
_'_Cause I'm so blind  
__Say never  
We're far from comfortable this time  
Cold  
__Now we're so cold  
__Mine  
__And you're not mine  
__Say never  
We're far from obvious this time_

* * *

It was a normal winter night at Seventh Heaven. It was packed, the noise from the customers drowning out any intelligible words. Tifa weaved her way through all the shouting and laughing people, handing people their drinks and taking their money. Cloud was helping, or at least as much as he could while being bothered by a certain hyperactive ninja.

One man in particular sat at a table by himself, only a bottle of the strongest whiskey available to keep him company. This would seem a bit odd to a few people as to why Reno Sinclair would be out drinking by himself, but most had learned not to question the lithe and unpredictable Turk's ways.

He raised the shot glass to his mouth and emptied it before setting it down on the table. He looked around, seeing but not absorbing. He had already downed over a third of the bottle, but hey- he was celebrating an anniversary tonight. The image of a pair of violet eyes entered his mind and his grip on his glass tightened, his other hand reaching for the bottle and he refilled the glass. Downing it like the last, he felt little to no burn by now.

People would come by, some he knew; some he didn't. They'd talk and joke with him before going on, and he'd act friendly and smile and joke back. He never remembered what he said, but don't blame the alcohol. He didn't really know the things that had come out of his mouth for years now. Ever since he had learned that _he_ had…

His turquoise gaze landed on Cloud. He didn't know how the blond did it. How he could just go on with his life. Yeah, sure, the swordsman was an uptight son of a bitch, but he had managed to pick up the pieces and actually enjoy life from time to time. Reno couldn't understand that, and he both wanted to be the same way and was repulsed by it at the same time. How could that chocobo ass? How could he, when he was there when Zack…

Reno downed another shot. He couldn't say it aloud. Hell, he couldn't even admit it in his mind that _he_ was… That word just couldn't be spoken, not even mentally. And he never, ever wanted to. Because if he did, that meant there was no way Zack could come back. It would no longer be possible for him to come walking through the door, that big grin that easily brightened anyone's day, and those violet eyes no one else had.

Reno had managed to barely keep himself from falling apart, but he knew if he acknowledged that one, excruciatingly painful fact, he'd break. He'd shatter into bits, the pieces so small it would be impossible to put them back together again. No, he couldn't admit it, he had to keep up this false happy mask he had on.

He took another shot before laying down some money on the table (he didn't know how much) and stood up, the room seeming to spin as he swayed on his feet. One hand against the wall for balance, he made his way unsteadily outside.

It took him a good hour to find his apartment and find the right key to unlock his door. Once inside, he clumsily took off his jacket and stumbled into his bedroom. Sitting on the bed, he bent over and took off his shoes and tossed them to the side. Straightening and closing his eyes, he let out a shuddery breath. Now here he was, alone. No strong arms to wrap around his waist and pull him into a kiss, no thin lips brushing against his, no calloused hands brushing through his hair and gently taking off the band that held it in place. No more making love, no more whispers of affection forever promised. No more Zack.

"Happy anniversary, Zack," he whispered. Opening his eyes, he could have sworn he saw the tall, dark-haired Soldier, but a blink later he knew it had to be a trick of the light. Lying on his side, he pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in the pillow. His shoulders shook as heartbroken sobs tore from his lips. He was already broken.

* * *

_Cold  
__You broke me from the very first night  
__I'd love you till the day that I die  
__I'm far too comfortable this time  
__Cold  
__I loved you from the very first night  
__You broke me till the day that I die  
__I'm far too obvious this time_


End file.
